When I was in Sedona, sitting in lotus supported by deep red rock of a vista offering
overhang of Cathedral Rock, mind disappeared from identityâ€™s orientation point. This
identity shift has been integrating since.
Before Sedona, during healing sessions, I would experience my free flexible mind, or
mental body, open multidimensionally. I would open to another, and since we are not
separate, through this opening I would see, feel, hear, know, experience the details of
anotherâ€™s â€œinnerâ€ reality. That would include oneâ€™s current experience, memories from
this life and past lives, soul consciousness, inner templates, multidimensional body
structures and organization, spiritual essence and desired direction for manifestation. The
details would simply appear. In the meeting of these details in presence, transformation
would unfold and healing happens in all realms.
Occasionally, during the past seven years of my awakening process or, deep
remembering unfolding, I have experienced moments when I would open and nothing
would happen. No visions, no insight, no magical words, no spirit guides, no
transformation, no inner direction, no nothing, simply an empty mind looking for itself or
for something to happen. Since, I was being paid during those moments to help someone
it was very disconcerting to say the absolute least.
My discipline has come through my work, not years of meditation practice. The inner
pressure of integrity has been the master teacher here for supporting discipline. I learned
readily in those moments how to surrender the looker or the seeker and even the healer.
(Observer, knower, doer) So much has been given in this journey, and yet there are times
when it is crucial that absolutely nothing is given. In that emptiness, the self that thinks it
sees, must stop looking, open to the edge of itself, and surrender to that which is
unknowable to it in its current state of experienced existence. What I mean by edge of
itself is that each expression of consciousness has some form to it, some manifestation of
structure, no matter how subtle. These structures are not subtle for me. When â€œIâ€ am
residing in one and donâ€™t realize it, there is an experience of limitation with in that
structure, that I am taking as reality. So it is almost like the room of the mind. The sense
of self looks around in its room over and over again looking for something that is outside
of the room. It will never find it. What is required is â€œto goâ€ to the wall and surrender
yourself to the permeable boundary of the sense of self.
And so it happened, after traveling by plane, then hiking up the steep red rocks of
Cathedral and sitting open as I always do to offer beloved souls awaiting healing in
distant locations, I found myself in one of these moments. The power of the place
intensified the lack everywhere. No help to be found. And so I sat, mind-self resting still
and waiting, then quiet and looking, then wondering and ready, then anxiously running
around with in the walls of the mind looking for what was needed until the memory
appeared. â€œOooHH! This is one of those moments! Know nothing and surrender. I can to
do that. I have to do nothing and surrender my known self into itself.â€ This was the
chitter chatter of the mind before it silently surrendered. After a moment of infinite empty
pure â€˜know nothingâ€™, awareness opened as infinite heart inseparable from Kristin heart
and the core of this existence. All those awaiting healing appeared in my infinite heart
and began their healing journeys. We were all with each other transforming. Again,
consciousness called itself deeper and the mind fell beneath me. I was/am infinite
existence both manifest and non manifest simultaneously. I was/am the essence that
predates this soul that all lives of here have arisen within. I was/am light as particle and
expression. I was/am infinite, boundariless and unique simultaneously. Mind was
literally located beneath this sense of infinite exquisite self, functioning the way it always
did, joining souls, opening through dimension, supporting the release of all that was
ready to fall away, assisting that which holds onto itself to soften into truth. All was the
same as in the old sessions, yet mind was purely function and not the resting place or
experiencing place for identity. This too was noticed, and then fell away. Self rested as
infinite nothing, essence, existence and non existence present.
Mind becomes function, no longer the resting place for identity. There is no room. You
are the room. There are no walls. You are the walls. The rooms, the walls, the identities
become the pure function they were meant to be, vehicles and expressions for and of the
un nameable to express and itself experience.